Werewolf: Remus Lupin's Story
by Moonlight on the Water
Summary: Werewolves are all bad . . .at least that's what's said. But this is the story of a good one: Remus Lupin: from the bite beyond.
1. The Bite and what came of it

Remus' Story  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters you recognize.  
  
Remus Lupin was born to wizards Tony and Cassandra Lupin, and given the name Remus since his father liked wolves. He was an only child, quiet and a loner, but very happy. Sometimes though, he was especially bubbly and talked to his parents a lot. His parents loved him dearly, and a more contented boy could not have been found. Of course, even though he was good, he also got into trouble, like any boy. But all of this changed the day he became a werewolf.  
  
It started out as a perfectly normal day for the four year old Remus. He and his parents were taking a holiday. They decided to go to see in the country. Remus was fascinated.  
  
"Daddy, how do fish swim?" he had asked.  
  
"They swim by moving their fins, Remus," replied his father, laughing at his happy son. Cassandra too, was laughing. She loved these kind of holidays, where she, her husband and son took time out and visited Muggle places, even if the stayed at Wizarding inns.  
  
"Dad, can I swim as well?" asked Remus.  
  
"Yes you can Remus," said Tony, laughing again. "I'll teach you sometime soon."  
  
"Great," said the happy Remus. He moved away from the lake and under the tree where his mother was sitting. Her brown eyes sparkled, and she stretched out her arms towards her small son. He ran into her arms, and gave her a big hug. Then he sat down on the grass and chattered about everything: about the pretty fish he had seen, and how Daddy was going to teach him to swim and  
  
"Do you think I can swim as well as the fish can? I hope so, then I can chase them and maybe catch one, I can't catch them now, they're too fast!"  
  
"Yes I think so Remus," she said, tousling his light brown hair.  
  
Tony came and sat next to them both. "Is he telling you about his plans to catch the fish?"  
  
"Yes, Tony," said Cassandra, smiling. He put his arm around her and they listened to their happy son.  
  
When they got back to the inn, The Blue Boar, they went inside, had lunch as usual, and went out some more to see other things. They were walking back home that night when Remus stopped to tie his shoelace. They waited on him patiently, and then behind them, in the bush, they heard a snarling, crashing noise. Tony turned to face it, while Cassandra picked up Remus and prepared to run.  
  
A huge wolf jumped out of the bush at them, and the parents both knew that it had to be a werewolf: there were no wolves around here. Cassandra turned to run, and Tony tried to stun it, but it dodged the spells.  
  
"Cassandra!! Run on the path, get Remus away, I'll try to hold it off!! Hurry now!"  
  
She turned and began to run, but the wolf cut across her trail. She stopped shaking: there was no way out. Remus was crying: he didn't understand why his mother had grabbed him so suddenly and he was scared of the huge wolf. With almost evil cunning, the thing circled, then it sprung. She screamed, held Remus, but felt the monster grab hold of his ankle with its teeth, felt him slipping from her arms, as it tried to drag her small son away from her and blood pouring down her hands. There was a shot.  
  
The huge werewolf rolled over dead. Its eyes still had a hungry red light, and it still jerked now and then. White faced, Cassandra looked up and saw Tony, his wand smoking. She figured that he had sent a silver bullet through its heart, but that didn't matter what mattered was her crying son Remus.  
  
He was sobbing uncontrollably, and there was blood all over his feet. With a shock Cassandra realized whose blood. It was her son's. Remus had been bitten.  
  
He was now a not a small boy, but a fearsome monster.  
  
~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
They had left the place and went to their own home, as quickly as possible.  
  
In the weeks before Remus' first transformation, Cassandra had battled with her heart. He was not a monster; he was just her small son, who could not understand. But he is a monster, her head would whisper. He will kill you, and Tony, and everything. No he is not, she would shriek. He is my SON!! Aaah, he is now. But wait till he grows older . . . NO!! HE IS MY SON!! And with this she often used to cry her heart out at night.  
  
They had to keep the bite bandaged: they took him to the hospital, called St. Mungo's. Poor Remus did not understand why the healers poked him with their wands, and fed him strange potions. And at night, he did not understand why his mother and father were not there. He sobbed bitterly for them, and he missed his bedtime stories and his parents' goodnight hugs. It made the Healers hearts' wrench to hear him. And at night, he had nightmares, of the wolf and the bite. Perhaps this is why, in two days Cassandra and Tony were able to have him back.  
  
The joy on his face when he saw them was pitiful to see, as was the shriek.  
  
"Mummy! Daddy!" he yelled, his face smiling and his light brown eyes dancing and sparkling in his face. Already he was beginning to look tired and thin, but he was happy.  
  
They had hugged him, and kissed him, and took him home.  
  
On the night before that first transformation, Cassandra had sat down with him, and tried to explain everything to him.  
  
"Remus, tomorrow night, you will . . .change."  
  
He had been puzzled of course. "Change?"  
  
"You will turn into a very dangerous creature, called a werewolf."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The next night, he did not understand why his parents left him or why he had been tied up. Then he shuddered as the moon rose, and began to change. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt worse than when he had fallen and skinned his knee, or accidentally stepped on a nail. He yelled, except it wasn't his voice he heard, it was a strange snarling. Why wasn't mummy there? Or daddy? Surely they would come when they heard him. He was all alone, and he cried, but it wasn't tears, but howls he heard. It wasn't his skin, but fur. He wasn't himself, and didn't understand.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ After a while, Remus understood. He knew why he changed every month, but he hated it. He hated the pain. He hated everything about it. His mother and father searched constantly for a cure, a cure to stop the danger and pain every month. There was none available.  
  
His father and mother spent more time with him, letting him know that they cared. He appreciated it, and yes he learned to swim, and to catch fish.  
  
As he grew older, he became more of a loner. He knew that no one would be friends with a monster. He started to fear the moon, and the transformations caused. When he was little it had been his dream to go to Hogwarts School, like his parents. Now, he knew that this was impossible. It depressed him.  
  
And then, on his eleventh birthday, his Hogwarts letter came.  
  
Hope filled his heart.  
  
~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I wrote this on a whim. Please tell me what u think. 


	2. Hogwarts

Hogwarts  
  
Disclaimer: I only own the plot and characters that you don't know.  
  
Remus Lupin could not believe his eyes. There was his Hogwarts letter, saying that they expected his owl by July 31st.  
  
"Mom! Dad! A Hogwart's letter!"  
  
Cassandra and Tony came to see what was going on. Now much older, with wrinkles around the previously youthful faces, they still loved their boy Remus, even though they had not found the cure. Cassandra's eyes lit up.  
  
"Really Remus?" He showed her the letter. "Oh my little boy, I'm so proud!"  
  
Tony smiled. "That's excellent Remus!"  
  
Then the smile faded off of Remus' thin face. "But, Dad, I can't go. Because of . . . you know."  
  
They did know. But Tony solved the problem. "I'll owl Dumbledore and let him know."  
  
That very night, Dumbledore was owled, and Remus and his family just had to sit back and wait. For Remus, it was the worst few days of his life. It was worse than the pain of the werewolf transformations; at least with those, he knew that there was an end to the pain. But with this he didn't know, if he could go to Hogwarts.  
  
One week later, on July 15th, Dumbledore sent back a letter. Remus seized it from the owl, which took off with a very offended hoot, but he didn't care; he had to know if he was going to Hogwarts!  
  
Dear Mr. Lupin, (the letter said)  
  
We have been alerted to your lycanthropy, and we have decided that we will let you attend school. Special caution will be taken on the week of the full moon, however; otherwise you will be treated like a normal student. Please send your owl to us by July 31st if you are still interested.  
  
Yours truly  
  
But Remus didn't read any further. His pale brown eyes lit up, and for the first time in quite a while, he was truly happy.  
  
"Mom! Dad! We've got to go to Diagon Alley! I've been accepted at Hogwarts!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was the night before September 1st, when he would leave for Hogwarts. He was nervous, and rather tired. Yesterday was full moon, but it had not been as painful, how could it be when he was so happy?  
  
Tony came to Remus. "Well Remus? Packed everything?"  
  
"Yes," said Remus. "All clothes, an owl, books, all that stuff. And of course my wand," he said, with a faint note of pride in his voice.  
  
Cassandra came in at this. "Hmmmm," she said as she pretended to think. "What was it again?"  
  
Remus refused to take his mother's bait. "It's yew and phoenix feather, 9 inches and you knew that Mom." He half smiled.  
  
"Darling," said Cassandra, "We just want you to know that we love you."  
  
"I know Mom. I know." The tear shone at his eye as both his parents squeezed him, though he did yell, "Geroff, are you trying to kill me?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The next day Remus was sitting on the train. He could barely remember how he got there, just remembering that his mother and father had hugged him after they passed the barriers, that his trunks were on the train, and that he had found his way to this compartment and was now sitting there, by himself.  
  
But not for long.  
  
"Hello." Remus looked up and there was a boy. He was very tall, and by a girl's standard, very handsome. In fact, a lady-killer. He had black hair that fell into his eyes. He constantly pushed it back; he did so now while looking down the corridor at someone Remus couldn't see. His eyes were blue, and held great laughter.  
  
"Can I sit here with you?" he asked Remus.  
  
"Sure," replied Remus.  
  
"You mind if James comes as well?" asked his companion.  
  
"No, why should I?" asked Remus, with a smile.  
  
The stranger returned the smile. "My name's Sirius Black, and my friend is James Potter." At this another boy came in. He was not as tall, and his hair was the same black, but instead of being smooth, it stuck up at the back. His eyes were hazel, and friendly, but Remus had a shrewd suspicion that he would be up to mischief as well.  
  
"Hi," said James, "What's your name?"  
  
"Remus Lupin," said Remus. He felt comfortable with these boys, since they were frank and friendly.  
  
They sat in silence for a little while, then all at once, they started to talk.  
  
"Well," said Sirius moodily, "that old git Malfoy is here, damn it."  
  
James wrinkled his nose. "You mean Lucius Malfoy?"  
  
"Yeah," said Sirius. "Well, he'll be fun to prank."  
  
"Um," said Remus, "Who is Lucius Malfoy?"  
  
Sirius and James exchanged glances. "You don't know?" asked Sirius. "Well he is only about the biggest GIT in the world, total pureblood freak, it drives me mad, could never be a bigger git than him."  
  
"Oh I don't know, Sirius," said James. "There is a little greasy haired kid that I think is a bit of an idiot, don't like him."  
  
By the time the train got to Hogwarts, Sirius, Remus and James were friends. They had laughed and talked, and Remus learnt that James and Sirius knew each other from early. They talked about their families, and Remus felt a little nervous, how could he explain why his family meant so much to him, without bringing up the bite thing.  
  
Sirius had been very closed mouth about his family, "They're a bunch of gits, and that is all I'll say."  
  
But all this vanished from his head as he stepped out of the train, and in the distance he saw Hogwarts. He had never been so happy, this was what he had wanted all of his life. Next to him, James and Sirius looked awestruck. Then, they heard someone call  
  
"Firs' years, over here please!" A giant man stood there, calling the first years to him. He looked rather wild, bushy and big.  
  
"That's Hagrid," whispered James to him. "Mom and Dad say that he is really nice. Always wanted to meet him."  
  
They got into the boats. In the boat with them was a little mousy looking boy with watery eyes. (AARGH that DAMN PETER). He looked nervous.  
  
"Well," said Sirius. "Now is the sorting, after we get out. If I'm in Slytherin, I'm leaving," he said darkly.  
  
"I hope I'm in Gryffindor," said Remus. "If it's Ravenclaw, that wouldn't be too bad . . .Slytherin though, I'd have to leave."  
  
James laughed. "I might be in Gryffindor all my family was."  
  
The mousy looking boy spoke. "Um, hi my name is Peter Pettigrew, I'd like to know, how do we get sorted?"  
  
They exchanged glances, then Remus explained.  
  
Not a moment too soon. As soon as he was done, the boats hit ground and everyone clambered out. They went to the Hall of the magnificent castle. There was an odd humming in his ears. Next to him, he heard James say "They're tons of passages in this castle, least, that's what dad told me."  
  
They were led into the entrance hall. A tall stern looking woman came in. She introduced herself as Professor McGonagall, and explained about point systems. Then they were lead into the hall. In front of Remus was Sirius, behind him was James. Hundreds of eyes were upon them, and there was a ragged old hat on a chair. Then a rip on the hat's brim opened and it began to sing. Remus didn't remember the song. All he heard was when McGonagall called "Black Sirius."  
  
Sirius went out to sit on the stool, all around him girls were sighing. "GRYFFINDOR!" yelled the hat. There was a storm of clapping especially from the girls. Then he heard a girl called "Evans, Lily." A redhead with green eyes sat on the stool. She was Gryffindor. Then he heard his name called.  
  
He sat on the stool, and odd humming in his ears. 'Well' said the hat. 'You are brave, dealing with the werewolf thing, got perseverance but I think, yes, GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
He sat next to Sirius, smiling. Then they saw the Malfoy boy go to Slytherin.  
  
Sirius whispered, "My parents will kill me, think that I should be there too."  
  
Peter Pettigrew was a Gryffindor, and to their delight so was James. The greasy haired boy was named Snape.  
  
After the sorting, and feast, Remus was lying in his bed in the dormitory, feeling very warm and full and very contented. He thought I'm here at last! He was too happy to sleep. Around him, he heard contented snores. His eyelids felt heavy, an then soon he fell asleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okay, everyone please note that my other fic has been changed to Goddesses at Hogwarts. Bye. 


	3. Classes

Classes  
  
All my reviewers are great(, but Shayl, you are inspiring. You were the person that started this chapter. Thanks.( Though each chapter doesn't lend to emotion. The next one does, (Thanks Iris(she's my one of muses, of whom I haven't found all)()  
  
Next day, Remus had woken groggily, couldn't believe where he was. Then he had remembered. He was at Hogwarts. With a look at his watch, he realized with a start, he would be late for breakfast! With a quick jump he got out of his comfortable bed. Around him, the rest of boys were doing the same thing.  
  
Sirius, James, Peter and Remus managed to get themselves down to breakfast relatively fast, considering the fact that they were new. And got lost, to their mortification. All the while Remus worried that they would be late. They managed to get to the Great Hall on time.  
  
Despite the fact that Sirius was a first year, many girls were looking at him, and half of them looked like they were about to faint. Remus looked sidelong at his friend. Sirius had noticed every last girl sighing about his good looks, and he responded with a jaunty, winning smile, that had the girls chattering and blushing.  
  
James looked at Sirius, his eyebrows raised. "Sirius, what was that about, man?"  
  
Sirius replied as jauntily as his smile. "Well, James, I have no idea. Though I do spot girls looking at you." Indeed, girls were looking at James with much the same way most had looked at Sirius.  
  
Remus chuckled. "Well," he said. "It will be an interesting time here at Hogwarts."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ After they had been dragged back into the common room, Remus felt like someone had beaten him up with a club. He was tired, and right then wanted nothing more than to head to the bed. Unfortunately, he also had some homework. He sighed, and for any excuse not to start, thought over the day.  
  
Potions had been a torture. His first lesson of the day, and he was already firmly convinced that he hated it. The two hours spent in the room had filled him with a loathing like none he had known. He wanted to knock Davius to the ground, hit him, something. Professor Davius had picked on him, with a cruel, wicked, utmost disgust that he felt that should be outlawed. He was sure he knew why. Sirius had informed him that this Professor Davius was the kind of pureblood fanatic that he hated. He, Remus, was no pureblood, though he had Wizarding blood; he was a half-blood and the fact that he was a werewolf was another count against him. Great. Now a fear that Davius would slip this to the Slytherins.  
  
The other classes had not been so bad; Transfiguration was definitely hard, though James seemed to excel at it with a lazy easiness that Remus wished he had. James, after three tries got the match turned into a needle. Remus though, had to struggle to get it done. With the rest of the class, he stared in awe at James, to whom McGonagall bestowed praise. The only other class they'd had was Defence Against Dark Arts. Here, they'd not learned much, yet Remus liked this subject. It was the best class he'd had so far, the one he thought he'd find easy. Unlike himself and James, Sirius hadn't found a good subject. What he seemed best at was chatting up the girls, and smiling. They blushed when he pulled his hair back from his eyes in their direction.  
  
But now, he had homework. He sighed. Those notes for Transfiguration, to do homework.  
  
Sirius came next to him, and then James. "Remus, old man, what are you doing?" inquired Sirius.  
  
"Homework for McGonagall," said Remus.  
  
"Come on, that's due on Wednesday, take a break, man" said James.  
  
Unwillingly, Remus smiled. "Ok." He did think he needed it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ He'd slept well, considering the fact that they'd spent the time wandering all around the school, and discovering passages. Already, they'd found a secret door near the hall. But now it was classes again, and he was tired. Very tired. The others seemed tired too. James however, checked his timetable. As he checked the morning's classes, a smile unfurled slowly on his face. This was not missed by a few girls down the line of the table.  
  
"What?" inquired Remus. "You look like the cat who got at the cream."  
  
"First lesson is Binns." He looked like he'd been told something wonderful. "Sirius, observe. If what we hear about Binns is true, then this will be pranking time starts." Remus somehow, was not surprised. He'd figured that this would happen.  
  
Sirius sent James a wicked grin.  
  
A little later, they were all in some kind of stupor. The teacher, Professor Binns, was small and wrinkled, and infinitely boring. Remus had tried to stay awake, but it was inevitable. The table loomed closer, and closer and he was snoozing. Through his blissful state, he could barely perceive the red head: Lily? he'd seen at the sorting taking notes. She seemed the only one awake; around her, her friends were snoozing.  
  
When they woke after the bell rang, they set off, still sleepy, to Charms. Again, the teacher was small and wrinkled, this one so short he had to stand on books to see over his desk. In a squeaky voice, he informed them about Levitation charms. They divided into pairs, and practiced. He was with Sirius, James with the redhead, Peter with someone else. Neither he nor Sirius could get the feather to lift, in fact, Sirius made it explode instead. Peter was having trouble as well, which didn't surprise him too much. However, James was not getting on with the red head.  
  
"Look, I know what I'm doing Evans," said James. "It's easy. I just haven't got the hang of it yet." He smiled winningly at her.  
  
"Are you sure Potter?" she inquired, raising an eyebrow with precision, oblivious to his charm. "Then why are you getting nowhere?"  
  
James looked desperate. He seemed to fumble for an answer.  
  
"Observe, and maybe you'll be less arrogant," said the girl, without letting him answer. "Wingardium Leviosa," she said while swishing and flicking her wand. The feather rose, gracefully.  
  
Remus felt his mouth drop open like everyone else's.  
  
On the way to Herbology, Sirius inquired, "Who's the redhead?"  
  
"Lily Evans," said James promptly. Before he, Remus, could answer.  
  
"Quick answer, eh?"  
  
"Shut up Sirius."  
  
After this was a lesson that the others had been looking forward to: flying. With thankfully, Hufflepuff. With Slytherin, they might have died: Snape and James already had a slight dislike of each other, and Malfoy looked at Black coldly in Potions. Trying to outlook Sirius was a bad thing, thought Remus. He always won, because he put pure poison in his look. Still, it was good to Malfoy put down.  
  
Madam Hooch told them, "Ok, grip your brooms."  
  
And then, it was such a short time; she'd blown her whistle. And they were in the air. It wasn't easy, but at least he stayed on: behind him several people fell. But James and Sirius were flying like it was all they'd done, James ducked and swerved, as Sirius pretended to attack him, then with the rest who'd stayed on they came down. Remus could not believe it. Here he struggled, while they swerved, looped and dived like they'd done it all their lives. He had a slight surge of jealousy, then, one of admiration. When James and Sirius touched down last, he clapped with everyone else, with Peter uneasily following his lead. Even Madam Hooch, after yelling them out for unsafe tactics, applauded reluctantly.  
  
In the common room, Remus finished the homework, while the others chatted; consequently, when he was going to bed, they were now starting. James, Sirius and Peter were trying their hardest to finish soon. He chuckled. It'd do them good not to copy his. He sat on the windowsill, in the deserted dorm, and stared skyward. The moon, a new one, stared at him. He stared straight back, and felt satisfied: there was time before he went through that pain again. The stars twinkled near it, and he saw Orion rising, and near it Sirius. He smiled. That had been one of his favourite stars. He'd learned it from his dad, after the bite:  
  
"Dad, what's that star?"  
  
"Which one?"  
  
"That big blue one. It's so bright!"  
  
"That's Sirius. The constellation is Canis Major."  
  
"Ok.Cool!"  
  
It was an outing that had happened when he was nine. His father had gone on, to show him Orion, and Canis Minor, and Lapis, and, of course, Lupus. He had told him stories. Of Andromeda, Cassiopeia, and Perseus. Of Orion, Aesculapius, and Scorpio. . .Dad had been so great. And he had been so fascinated.  
  
He felt his eyes misting, and blinked furiously. He thought of his new friends: they must not know, of his secret. They would abandon him. But yet . . .it would not be easy to hide. They would find out. And one of his worst fears that the wolf that he kept chained up would unloose, and show the world . . .and annihilate his chances of acceptance. His thought, he realized, was what to say when asked. Um are you sure? Right, in what lifetime?  
  
All of a sudden, for no reason, he grew very sleepy. He padded over to his bed, and inside it curled up. By the time the others came up, he was sound asleep. He fell asleep listening to the wind howling, like a wolf.  
  
His dreams were haunted by wolves, friends, and stars, and when he rolled over, these vanished like morning mists, and he slept with out dreams.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
What ya think? 


	4. Change, and Hope

Change Disclaimer: Yadda. Yadda. Yeah, yeah. Don't own characters.  
  
Remus watched every night till the moon came to near full. He felt his human side getting weaker and weaker as the wolf grew stronger, corresponding to the huge moon. He felt ill, and it didn't help at all that he was worrying about his new friends finding out his secret. They would disown him, throw him away, and forever after he would feel a sickening, burning sense of shame, of thinking that he, a wolf could have human friends. As it was, he felt dirty, wicked, and furious with himself for walking in Hogwarts, among free people. People who were not contaminated, nor a prisoner within their own selves. For the wolf held him, strong in his grip, waiting until he could be let out.  
  
"What's the matter Remus? You look sick, man," said James, looking at him while he pursued this train of thought in the common room.  
  
He managed to smile weakly, feeling the wolf snarl: wolves do not smile. "Yeah, I'm fine James."  
  
But he wasn't.  
  
In the week before the week of the full moon, he started to feel depressed. It was typical, and it distracted him. And he also felt furious, and angry. He also started to feel more and more tired. The wolf fought him hard, and he had to fight back. Now though, it was so much harder. Especially in Davius' class. When that teacher, with his bald head, and strange eyes (one black, and the other green) looked at him, he felt a surge, an almost painful rush of hatred. And Davius would only look back at him, a cold sneer playing across his face, utmost hatred in his dark odd eyes. And he, Remus fought the urge to rise and attack him.  
  
Sirius and James, and peter were helpful, though they did not know it. Their simple unworried calm helped him. On Saturday, when the others were out on the Quidditch field, playing around, he snuck down to the Hospital Wing. The nurse, a Madam Pomfrey, looked at him.  
  
"Remus Lupin, aah yes, don't worry we have a safe place for you. Stay here," she added, firmly.  
  
While she went, he sat miserably on one of the hospital beds, feeling awful. He could see the grounds, streaming with sunshine. If not for that stupid werewolf that night, this would not be happening. He would be outside, laughing with the other three. Again, he felt a furious angry rush from the wolf.  
  
Madam Pomfrey returned. With her was the tall thin headmaster, Professor Albus Dumbledore.  
  
"Poppy," said Dumbledore, with his blue eyes rather sad behind his glasses, "please allow me and Mr. Lupin some privacy."  
  
The nurse at once left. The headmaster looked at Remus, with a sad look in his eyes. Again, the fury passed through him. Who needs sympathy, one side asked? I do, said the other.  
  
"Now, Mr. Lupin, about your lycanthropy. There is a small hut in Hogsmeade, perfectly safe, in which you can change in. You will leave Hogwarts at about . . . hmm, let's say five o' clock. Someone will guide you there."  
  
He nodded, unable to say anything. Dread was flowing through his veins, paralyzing him.  
  
"Now, please remember, do not let anyone know where you are going. In time, more suitable accommodations will be available, but this will have to do for now."  
  
Again he nodded. Then Dumbledore smiled at him. "I trust that you will be alright Remus." He turned to leave.  
  
Remus was numb. Then Dumbledore's voice pierced the white fog that was forming.  
  
"And Mr. Lupin please try to keep Mr. Black and Mr. Potter, out of mischief." Remus managed a smile. Then he got up, and traced his way to the Gryffindor common room. Inside, the other three started up happily to see him.  
  
"Remus, where were you? One minute you were right behind us, next minute you were gone!" exclaimed Sirius, his blue eyes flashing, and his hair tossing. The girls in the common room sighed. (Personally, he would look so good on a huge horse, with the mane tossing and the horse rearing . . .or wearing black leather)  
  
"Like where were you man?" asked James, pushing his hair out of his face. Peter looked nervous, and worried, but that didn't bother Remus, peter was always worried. He forced himself to smile. "Don't worry, I went into the library, then Davius tried to detain me." He prayed silently that they hadn't seen Davius. Luckily, they hadn't.  
  
"That git. He is so dumb," was Sirius' reply. Now, he and James started to check the girls, the first years, of course.  
  
"Who's that one over there?" asked Sirius.  
  
"You mean the redhead?"  
  
"No, not the redhead. The one next to her."  
  
"You mean the redhead's friend?" asked James.  
  
Sirius sighed with exasperation. "What is with you and the redhead, James? Every minute it's Lily this, Lily that. What is with you?" James flushed ever so slightly. "nothing. Nothing, at all. Look,' he pointed a dark haired girl out, "isn't she hot?"  
  
Sirius looked at him, eyebrow raised, very skeptical. "Riiiight James. Very smooth."  
  
Remus chuckled. "Seems like James has a crush, Sirius."  
  
James turned red. "No I don't."  
  
"Right, James," said Remus, laughing. James pretended to swipe at him. He grabbed the arm, and nearly before he thought about it, wrenched it. Luckily, he was in control. James flexed his fingers.  
  
"oooow, Remus, next time don't wring so hard."  
  
Sirius' laughing cheered them all, but Remus remembered, and resolved that his control be iron.  
  
That night, he slept calmly, and easy.  
  
The week was gone so fast, and it was the full moon week. The library was his frequent hideout now, he had found a small nook that no one knew about. By pulling out a book called Astronomy and then touching the spine of an old, weather beaten, gold knobbed book, he got himself into a small crevice. The book shelves would divide quietly and a small hole in the floor appeared. He would get in with no problem, and curl inside with a book, or sometimes, stare into space. When he was in, there was no sign of his little lair, since the bookcase always went into place. Getting out was tricky. You pressed on the roof, and then peered out and hope that no one saw you.  
  
He was in there now, curled up with a blanket he had nicked to make it warmer. He knew the instinct that made him do this. The one of the hidden lair. No one should know of this. No one. He knew that the librarian, Madam Pince, didn't know about it, that no one did, and that was how he wanted it. It was small, and he could just stretch out both ways and sit up, but that didn't matter. It was warm and safe.  
  
He thought often. He worried about every thing, and often calmed down in there. Sometimes he slept there. But it was peaceful.  
  
The night before Saturday, he went to the hospital wing. He was now very morose, and lonely, and when angered, snarled. His eyes would grow a strange gold colour and he would attack. Madam Pomfrey soon learned not to annoy him. No one knew he was there. He was sad too, and missed the little lair. Then it was Saturday.  
  
He snuck down to Hogsmeade. He had a great way of staying hidden, but it was daylight. His heart pounded wildly. Twice he ducked groups of students talking and laughing. He was nervous and his blood seemed to run to his ears. And then he saw Sirius, James and peter.  
  
"Where's Remus, wonder what's wrong with him?" asked James casually, shoving Sirius to a side. Peter laughed nervously.  
  
"Dunno, I haven's seen him, and he seems really preoccupied. And when you ask him, he snarls!" Sirius had just pushed James near the very bush that Remus hid in. He sucked his stomach in, and held far away. Soon they had gone.  
  
He continued, and soon met with McGonagall. She nodded to him.  
  
It seemed endless, but then after ages they stopped at some shack. He looked at it, but his year head dragged him up the hill to it. By this time, it was getting very dark, and the dusk was falling. Soon, he was in the shack. It was small. McGonagall nodded. Then she left.  
  
The moonlight came on, and he changed, angry and sad. But this time, the change was different. It was strange. When he changed, he changed to the wolf, and the human usually vanished straight away. But this time it was different. His change was different. He had changed, yes. But this time, with the wolfish mind, he could see friends. Like flashes from a different time.  
  
His eyes laughed, as a red head snubbed a guy called James, and she smiled at him.  
  
When Sirius tossed his hair from his eyes and smiled and this girl who later had to go in counseling because of his sexy eyes.  
  
James laughing as he flew on a broom,and he Remus, cheered.  
  
Sirius out looking Malfoy, with a mad angry hatred. Professor Davius looking on with an indescribable anger when Malfoy was out looked.  
  
The small Snape, whose face was pale.  
  
The fire blazing, and him talking to his friends.  
  
The nook in which he hid, cozy warm and happy. The sun shining on him, the lake and the squid, Dumbledore's lemon drops, his Transfiguration homework, the breakfast, owls, hiding, stars, friends . . . his pack friends. Redhead, school, Cassandra, stars  
  
It was all merging in his head, and he couldn't see a thing, and . . . now he could see. All was still, but he didn't want blood anymore. Not like usual. Instead he howled, an eerie sound that had the villagers' hearts running cold with fear. It was a song. A song of sadness, and hope. A song that he told the moon, like all wolves, he told the pale moon of his sadness and pain that it caused him. The feeling of the unnatural shape, the loneliness he had, and him not having a pack. Where was his pack? He wanted one.The song that would never grow old, the song of loneliness. Then he changed it. It was now one of the everlasting hope. Hope for love , and for friends. It stopped the hurt, and now he just could sing, that everlasting song of hope, and friendship and love. Joy, and ups and downs, and happiness. He sang of all good things, and it was a song that would always be sung. In the castle, they heard it, and all were touched to their hearts, their very souls sang to it. It haunted their dreams. The villagers heard it. They clutched each other and the eerie song. But he sang to stop the pain, to help the hurt, and he would sing till the night was out.  
  
When he crept back to Hogwarts, he was tired, cold and stiff. But he was relieved. He felt the pain was over. He slept away the last hours of the night. Then he went to breakfast.  
  
Sirius and James looked up when they saw him.  
  
"Where were you? Hey, Remus did you hear that strange sound last night?" said James.  
  
'yeah, nothing like I ever heard. Creepy."  
  
A girl spoke behind them, and they recognized Lily Evans, her eyes glowing green against her creamy skin and deep auburn hair. "No, it wasn't creepy."  
  
"WHAT!" exclaimed Sirius and James.  
  
"It was a song. And a song of hope, and fear, and love, and pain."  
  
Sirius and James exchanged glances.  
  
"But it was mostly about hope."  
  
Do you like it? I did! 


	5. Happy Times

Happy Times  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Just a few.  
  
Remus was relieved. The long, tense weeks of waiting for his transformation to occur (actually they were really only two weeks) were gone for now, and he didn't have to live in fear for a while that he would suddenly bite of Davius' head . . . as tempting as the thought was . . . that would be murder. Darn.  
  
But there were other things to laugh at, to enjoy. Like the time they found a secret passage behind a mirror, and where you went when you fell through the trick stairs. But they probably would not have learnt all of this, except for one thing.  
  
James' obsession with Lily. If James had not been so obsessed with Lily, Sirius would never have asked her friend out for fun. And if Sirius hadn't dumped her, they would not have played the prank. If the prank hadn't double fired, Lily would not have hated James. But it was perhaps best to start at the beginning.  
  
It just made Remus laugh.  
  
That Monday morning after his transformation, James just seemed not to want to eat. He was staring into zero space. At least, they thought it was zero space, until Remus followed his direction to an auburn haired, green eyed girl, sitting with her two friends, who were merely having a talk with her- from what he picked up- about Charms lessons. James was just staring at her.  
  
He had to do something about it.  
  
"James. James. Earth to James Potter. Earth to James Potter!" he yelled while waving a fork in front of his friend's face. James blinked.  
  
'What? Remus, why are you waving a fork in front of my face?" asked James, blinking some more.  
  
Sirius stopped eying a Ravenclaw girl (who was eying him back) to watch the proceedings with interest. "Maybe because you are just staring at Lily like she is some kind of alien or something. Perhaps that's why."  
  
"Thanks Sirius. He won't eat. He won't sleep. He won't talk. He stares at Lily, who by this time must be wondering who that dummy is over there staring at her!"  
  
This got James attention, Remus was pleased to see. "What! She thinks that?"  
  
Sirius, Remus and Peter exchanged glances and rolled their eyes. "No man," said Sirius. "I just think that you might want to eat your breakfast. Most important meal of the day. Staring at Lily won't help." James merely blinked as he, Remus looked at and waved food in front his face. 'Look James. They made pancakes. All swimming in maple syrup and butter, hey I think I'm going to get one to eat now. Oh yeah. They have blueberries." Remus didn't like blueberries. But they were alright, and plus they were probably going to get James' attention. When they didn't, he nodded at Sirius. Sirius looked at the pancakes and did a very tricky little charm that was waay advanced for a first year. Remus actually liked when he did those, and it turned out that Sirius was actually fairly good at charms, though hardly anyone knew this.  
  
Then he called James. "James! Your pancakes have eyes on theeem . . ."  
  
James looked down to see Lily's eyes staring at him from the pancakes. He rolled his eyes at the laughing Sirius. "Cut it out, will you?"  
  
"We would. But maybe someone had better show you that Lily has pretty nice friends. Like the black haired one with grey eyes." Sirius just seemed amused. Looking back after the whole mess, Remus vividly remembered what it was like after Sirius said that. Sirius had had a taunting, daring look in his eyes that made him slightly abnormal, James had looked shocked, with a strange look in his hazel eyes, Peter's mouth had dropped open, and he himself had merely tried to look somewhat amused, and failed grandly.  
  
"What!!! Evans is the best looking girl of the lot!" yelled James.  
  
Heads turned, and James started turning redder and redder. Lily stood up and came over. Remus started to smile, and tried to suppress it, and Sirius began to laugh. Peter giggled nervously.  
  
"Hello. Potter, what did you have to say about me?" she asked.  
  
"Uum nothing, nothing at all." James merely looked redder.  
  
Lily's eyes went narrower. Remus filled in for the nervous James. "He was just mentioning how good you are at charms, Lily. Don't worry," he managed as calmly as he could.  
  
Unless he was imagining, Lily turned a faint shade of pink, and went back to her friends.  
  
"Next time James, don't yell so loud." Sirius' had a wicked look of almost unholy glee on his face. "You'll ruin my good impression, that I want to make."  
  
In the next week, when Remus had time, he often saw Sirius and the girl who was called Sadie together. Sadie seemed a happy girl, and Remus often spotted them in the library even when they had no homework. Lily, however, didn't seem too happy with the arrangement. Every time she saw Sirius, she narrowed her eyes at him, and those green eyes sent electricity through the air. You wondered how Sirius resisted it. James thought that Lily looked gorgeous when she did that. By now, Lily realized how James seemed to stare at her, but she evidently thought that he was tarred with the same brush as Sirius. She merely ignored him.  
  
Then after around one week and two days disaster struck. In the form of an indifferent Sirius, an upset Sadie and a furious Lily.  
  
"So what," Sirius maintained, "if we broke up over liking blackberries. I really think that you are overreacting a bit."  
  
Remus rolled his eyes. "A bit. A BIT! You do realize that you're saying that you broke up with a girl who you loved completely and absolutely for two weeks over BLACKBERRIES! Pardon me, but I think I have the right to freak out a bit."  
  
"Yeah," said a nervous looking James. "And I think that there is also a very upset looking Sadie, over there, with a pretty angry Lily . . . ."  
  
"Only angry," said Remus.  
  
"I understated."  
  
"She's absolutely completely and um. . .well furious, top class raging furious," squeaked peter, looking scared.  
  
Then Lily stood up, and walked very slowly towards Sirius. Very slowly and deliberately in the Great Hall at breakfast. Silence fell.  
  
"I think that we understated a little bit," squeaked James.  
  
Later, that night, Sirius admitted it.  
  
"Ok, so we understated a lot." He was very sore, since Lily had charmed him in some way or the other, and only performed the countercharm later on. So he was in pain.  
  
"Well, it served you right," remarked peter, for once not squeaking.  
  
"No it didn't," said Sirius. "I am going to get Sadie for this!"  
  
"For what," asked James.  
  
"I think he means setting a mad Lily Evans on him . . .aren't I right?" asked Remus.  
  
"Hey, yes," was Sirius' reply. "Really, you shouldn't do that," said Remus. "Honestly. You are going to get into major trouble, and make Gryffindor lose points, not to mention you'll probably have to write a thousand word essay . . . if McGonagall is feeling generous."  
  
Sirius laughed. "So what, all the fun is in the doing."  
  
Somehow in the dark they all exchanged glances. Then James exchanged with Sirius, and they all lay back down, and supposedly went to sleep . . . though Remus wondered exactly why the light was so bright, and why there was so much whispering . . . .  
  
But he was sleepy, so he went to sleep again.  
  
He later regretted it.  
  
He regretted it after, when on Saturday of the same week, Sadie came in with a major fluorescent green Mohawk, with her eyebrows dyed green. And you could tell very well, that she didn't realize it. It wasn't anything much.  
  
James and Sirius looked perfectly innocent.  
  
Remus sighed, and began to eat as fast as he could since, as soon as the famous Evans came in, there would be a total catastrophic disaster.  
  
Then Lily came in, and Remus knew it would be a worse disaster. James looked shocked. Sirius looked more innocent.  
  
Lily Evans' hair was dyed with gold and hints of purple set in a most outrageous style, with shimmer shine stars. And she didn't realize it. Then someone must have told her. Someone HAD to have told her. Definitely. Because she screamed, whipped Sadie's hair back to normal, whipped her own hair back to normal, then turned around and came after James and Sirius . . .  
  
Everything happened in absolute slow motion then . . .  
  
James and Sirius looked very scared . . . everyone started laughing more and more . . .Lily ran faster and nearly caught up with the shocked duo . . . Remus barely remembered feeling like his limbs were jelly as he got up and yelled at the two of them to run . . . while thinking that James broom reflexes needed quite a bit of work. They were very shabby . . . after all a human Bludger was charging them . . .peter had disappeared under the table and finally James ducked Lily's spell on the run  
  
And everything went back absolutely normal, as James ran as fast as he could away from Lily, pelting full speed with Sirius behind him, and Remus was laughing his head off with the rest of the great hall. He managed however to get himself in the boys' dormitory where his friends were hiding in their trunks from the crazy Lily.  
  
"We are going to have to avoid her for the rest of the day. Definitely so."  
  
A shaking Sirius agreed to this.  
  
The rest of the day was a grand joke. Every time they saw or heard Lily from afar, they ran or ducked. Except that outside the hall, they couldn't run or duck, but luckily James' sense of running and hiding in secret passages found him one behind a strange little hidden door.  
  
They piled in, panting nervously.  
  
Sirius, Remus and James were sitting there, keeping absolutely quiet, making sure they didn't even breathe until they heard Lily passing . . .  
  
They were rather uncomfortable. It was very hard to stand up, making absolutely no noise whatsoever when you couldn't quite breath, and you had just been running very fast. Then as Lily's footsteps passed away, they relaxed.  
  
"Hey," whispered Sirius, brushing his hair away from his eyes. "Where are we?"  
  
James sounded businesslike as he noted "Secret room near the Great hall."  
  
"Didn't we find this one already?" asked Sirius.  
  
Remus shrugged. "I think so. I'm almost sure that we did."  
  
"No, we didn't," said James, "we couldn't have."  
  
"We need to keep track. In fact, I have an idea!" said Sirius, his eyes glinting.  
  
"What?" they chorused.  
  
"We need to write a map. And I think that we would call it 'The Marauders Map', for mischief makers through the years."  
  
An awed silence followed, then James repeated  
  
"The Marauders' Map."  
  
"Definitely," said Remus.  
  
I'm HOME!!! I went away for a month and you have absolutely no idea what it is like to be HOME!! Yeah. Anyway, Please read and review . . .you know you want to. 


	6. Letters

Letters  
  
Disclaimer: Insert your own. The usual.  
  
Later on in the week, on a Saturday night when Lily was not in the common room and James and Sirius were catching up with the weeks' homework, as well as helping Peter, Remus sat sucking his quill in the corner of the Gryffindor Common Room. Then he set quill to parchment.  
  
Dear Mom and Dad,  
  
Hi, how are you lately? I know that it's been a while since my last letter, but I hope you don't mind. I really have been having a lot of fun lately. Maybe I should tell you.  
  
First of all, James( you remember I told you about him?) is running from a very angry Lily. Apparently Sirius played a crazy prank on her and Lily thinks that it's James' fault-can't say I blame her, since he is always staring at her. Sirius of course, finds the whole thing a joke and says that nothing will happen. Well, nothing did happen since the two of them got a detention for not finishing their homework and complained when I told them so.  
  
Though, something that should interest you dad. Since the day that Lily attacked us, we decided on calling ourselves the Marauders. Me, James, Sirius, Peter. I finally feel accepted, though maybe that's not such a big deal. We discovered a couple more secret passages, and Sirius wrote some down. So did I, only problem is what will happen if we are discovered. You told me that when you were here, you found a couple. Could you please tell me about them? Everything is useful.  
  
Letter is kinda long, so I have to stop writing. Write me back soon.  
  
Remus  
  
Remus sealed this letter and sent it the next day. It was a good letter, and no point in telling him how much more accepted he felt. School still required his work, and still required his focus, but so what?  
  
He was a werewolf, and lately he was forgetting that. He must never do that. It always should lurk in his head, since one slip of the tongue could lose him his friends- to the wolf, his pack. He knew the wolf had not gone, was just sleeping. But sometimes though he forgot that. Never must forget that. Never.  
  
He stretched and yawned as he sat in his bed, waiting for the crazy James to come back up, when he heard James and Sirius whispering.  
  
He leapt out of bed and met them on the stairs. The other boys in the dormitory were elsewhere. Remus was an early sleeper and riser. Also a light one. The being of a werewolf had very few perks, but excellent senses was one of them. So he could hear James coming up the stairs. Though that wasn't really a feat, since James and Sirius were loud. James then appeared with a package. A large light package.  
  
'Hallo, who's it from?" asked Sirius. "I want to see the tag."  
  
James grinned. "I think I know. My father sent it, he's a worse mischief maker than I am. Look, it's got a note."  
  
James Son,  
  
Hello, and since you are planning to become a grand set of mischief makers to plague Hogwarts in your turn, I think that it is a good thing if you had this- after all, mischief makers shouldn't be seen. Plus the fair Lily can't spot you as easily.  
  
Dad  
  
He opened the parcel. At once, a strange substance came sliding out, cool to the touch and a strange silvery grey. It lay in pools of grey on the floor at James' feet. Actually, at James' nonexistent feet.  
  
"It's his old invisibility cloak! We Marauders are now well equipped! And this way, I can instantly hide from Lily."  
  
"Cool," said Remus. They all tried it on, and he discovered that it was a very weird feeling when you could not see your feet. Very strange. You wondered a little. Yet he felt so light and free . . .  
  
It was definitely cool. And would be useful.  
  
&&&  
  
Later, he sat sucking the ends of his quills- one was a sugar quill from a package that James' mum sent, and one was a fine tip quill. On a piece of parchment, he was writing, no drawing carefully. Each line had to be perfect, and each line was a work of art, even if it was only the first floor with classrooms. All the secret passageways were being drawn in so carefully, and every line was thinly drawn first. Then, he would thick line them.  
  
He was actually pretty good at this even if he did say so himself. He smiled. Then he sighed, since the sugar quill that he had been nibbling on was finished. He would have to get a new one.  
  
Sigh. Wherever from?  
  
Note to self: See if we can find a way to get into places that have sugar quills. Find kitchens. This last bit was for Sirius.  
  
He was lying on the floor moaning and groaning and saying that he was starving.  
  
"Honestly, I don't see how you can survive? How on earth can you survive this way? Starving?"  
  
"Sirius, will you shut up? I don't want a blot on the moving staircase. That would be a catastrophe."  
  
James laughed. "Yip it would be. Luckily, I've got some other stuff. And here Remus." He chucked him a sugar quill which he caught, no problem.  
  
"Yeah thanks. Sugar, food for the thought."  
  
"FOOD!!" yelled Sirius.  
  
Remus, Peter, and James rolled their eyes and exchanged glances. Remus then told them that his dad should be able to tell them of secret areas in the school, and the next letter was looked forward to with anticipation. When it came, it proved useful.  
  
Dear Remus,  
  
Hallo, how are you? We got your last letter, and I was going to tell you about a little secret cubby hole that we found. I don't know if it's still there, but there is a little room in the Gryffindor common room that was just next to the fireplace. Inside it there was Floo powder-if there is still some use it well, you hear me Remus? It seems that Sirius will starve if you don't get him food, so I will tell you how to get into the kitchens. There is a door to go through in the entrance hall. Go through, then go down some stone steps. You'll see a gorgeous corridor with paintings of food. Go to the painting with a fruit basket and tickle the pear. Then follow the door.  
  
Good Luck! Your mother has a few words to add to this as well.  
  
Dear Remus, I do miss you. Have fun, though if I were you don't let Filch catch you-that happened to Tony , and he narrowly missed being whipped. I've sent some quills for you to draw with, really nice ones, and some Muggle drawing pencils. You should find them useful especially since I sent a huge set. There are a few sweets and some biscuits- fun to nibble on.  
  
Have Fun, and Enjoy  
  
Mom and Dad  
  
They laughed at this letter, and at once planned to see if they could find the Floo Powder, which they did. Also they ate some of the biscuits. He loved his mother's biscuits. They were always cinnamon and crunchy, and tasted so good. She had spelled them to make sure that they stayed warm as if they'd just come out of the oven. They had a spicy aroma, and they reminded him of home. He didn't miss it, not too much anyway, but when Christmas came, he might go home.  
  
Also he liked the drawing pencils. So did all the drawers of the map, since they were the most wonderful things besides the sharp adjustable quills. Beautifully, light and dark, used for good and bad passages were brilliant. It was great. Just great.  
  
So were the kitchens. They would never go hungry. Particularly Sirius.  
  
He often wondered, however, why Sirius never got letters. Each of them, even the chubby Peter got letters, but Remus never saw Sirius with a letter, except for once-and they never asked who it had been from, since Sirius had looked murderous. He wondered, really what lay behind the smooth and easy façade that Sirius wore. He wondered, really wondered who lay there. Sirius never spoke about his family. Once, he said something about his cousin Andromeda, but that had been only once.  
  
For once, he realized that his friends as well might have miserably painful lives.  
  
Not just him.  
  
Even if he was a werewolf.  
  
&&  
  
But life wasn't always good. He still had Davius' classes, Snape and Malfoy to deal with. Not to mention the fact that the moon was waxing ominously above him. So one day he sent a letter to his parents.  
  
Hello Mom and Dad.  
  
Right now school sucks. You know Snape, that greasy oily haired kid that knows all those curses. Right. Him. He tried to hex James for no reason at all, other than Sirius looked at him mean! So James hexed him, and Sirius would have jumped him. I grabbed Sirius, and then stupid Davius came out and took fifty points from Gryffindor and gave us all detention!!! For WHAT!! I DIDN"T DO ANYTHING!!! But no one ever accused Davius of being fair any way. So then in class, Malfoy- that Lucius- blond, sleek thing with grey eyes and an expression! Started flicking paper balls at peter, since peter won't do anything at all. Luckily, Lily hexed him. Really lucky, since I think Sirius was twitchy to hex someone. Miraculously, Snape came down to dinner with his hair pink! And a sign on his back saying: greasy haired kid. Lily just laughed. When she isn't quarrelling with James and not talking to us, she actually is kind of nice to us all. Which therefore, is hardly ever. Sadie hasn't gotten over Sirius' stupidity, but he doesn't care- he always has a girl up his sleeve. Lately it was some Ravenclaw named Tracy- he dumped her yesterday. So what?  
  
Things are therefore as normal as they ever will be at Hogwarts, one week before the full moon. And we have Astronomy. I think I'll be sick. I just might attack Malfoy one day- tempers are hard to keep.  
  
Remus.  
  
Yes. Tempers are hard to keep. As well as wolves are to contain. He was brooding again, worrying, and two days before his transformation, he left school to hide. If only he knew how much he was missed.  
  
"Hallo, has anybody seen Remus?"  
  
"Nope Sirius," said peter.  
  
"Funny." James frowned. "He usually is around . . . just like last month when we couldn't find him at all."  
  
"He will turn up . . . he better had, since it feels really scary without him here to quarrel with us for not doing our homework. Plus I want a cinnamon biscuit!" said Sirius.  
  
'They're in the cubbyhole by the fireplace, you dolt," said James lazily to the hungry (as always) Sirius.  
  
He came back chewing. "Rem should be back by tomorrow."  
  
But he wasn't.  
  
They got seriously worried, and were just going to go to Professor McGonagall, when they saw him three days later.  
  
"REMUS!! Where have you been?"  
  
He looked exhausted, there were shadows under his hollow eyes, and he looked very bony, like if he had been fighting with something. There was a scratch on his hand . . .and to James, he looked very sunken.  
  
"Just back home, one of my aunts was majorly sick, thought she was dying . . .wanted to see her dear nephew . . . didn't die though. Pity."  
  
They laughed, but James wondered, then forgot about it.  
  
& &  
  
That night Remus lay awake. It was one of the first in a series of lies. And he knew that it would not be the last. It would not be the last at all.  
  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
  
Well . . . not lending to angst, but still . . .they will soon have more fun in update form!!! Encourage them! So review. 


	7. Christmas

Christmas

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not even great cake. That's a Caribbean recipe. Yum!!

But James sometimes remembered.

The list was coming around for people to stay at Hogwarts. Remus was exceptionally happy here in Hogwarts, but he knew, he knew very well he couldn't afford to stay. He would love to, but he couldn't. Because the full moon fell in the middle of the vacation, he wouldn't be able to get away with any excuse at all.

He was up that Saturday morning early. It was the first day of December, and already Hogwarts was becoming festive. All over the grounds he could see a light dusting of snow, glittering silver. It made him think of his mother's gingerbread, except that this was a huge castle.

Behind him, he could see James get up. Or rather sense/hear him get up.

"Morning Remus."

"Morning James. It's snowed." It was no surprise to James that Remus was up. He was an early riser. What was surprising was the snow.

He bounded over to the window to see. It had indeed snowed, not much, but just enough to class as snow.

"Cool." He looked sidelong at Remus, and realized that his friend looked sick. Remus nearly always looked sick, and sometime, he looked strangely cross at times. But now he just looked a little tired. Hmm.

'Remus, you need to get some sleep, man. You look dead on tired."

Remus laughed, but not before James saw him do quick thinking. "Yeah, that's why I'm going home this Christmas."

"What! Come on, you'd have a lot of fun," said James, disappointed. "Sirius and I are staying."

"That's why I'm leaving. To get away from you maniacs." He smiled; however, James could see that it was a forced expression. He pretended to look hurt. Remus pushed him, and he pushed Remus back.

"Don't pull the puppy dog look. It doesn't work with Lily, it doesn't work with me."

James had to laugh. "It works with Sirius though. Sometimes. And speaking of which . . ."

Sirius bounded out of the bed as fast as he could, his hair flinging in his eyes. "Good morning people, it's the first day of December, what's out the window?"

"Snow," said Remus. "And the cinnamon biscuits are next to your bed, the fudge next to mine, and the gingerbread next to James."

"That's not what I wanted," objected Sirius.

"What then?" asked James looking at Remus with his eyebrows raised.

"How much snow is there? And when's breakfast?'

They rolled their eyes.

&&&&&&&&&&&

In almost unbelievably short time, it was Christmas vacation. Sirius and James came to the station to see him and Peter off. He felt hollow to see them standing and waving at him like maniacs. He turned back. He had wanted so badly to stay at Hogwarts with his only friends in the world. Then he turned to face front, feeling sad again.

Why couldn't he have been normal? Right now, he would be laughing at any nonsense letters they wrote, watching the snowball fights on the grounds, and probably indulging in quite a few of them as well. He would watch Sirius plow his way through the food on Christmas day.

He wrapped his hands in sweater, cold, though the compartment was warm.

He was glad when the journey was over. And there were his parents.

"Hi Mom, hi Dad!" he said, for the moment forgetting his troubles and feeling completely free and easy. And gloriously happy.

Cassandra's eyes sparkled, hugging Remus tightly when Tony let him go as he yelled "Geroff, geroff Mom, don't kill me!"

She laughed at him. "I trust that all the food came in useful."

Remus, extremely happy nodded. "Yes, and mom, we'll need more."

"_More?_ But I gave you all enough to last you out till let's see, Easter!" she said, bemused. What were these children? They went through food so fast. It was no wonder that Remus was looking fatter.

"You forget the appetite of Sirius Black, Mom."

Tony's eyes twinkled as he asked Remus "And what about your secret passages?"

Here Remus smiled. He quoted a line from their pledge/poem "_A Marauder never tells,_" said he. Then he added, "Except to another."

Tony laughed. "Figures. Well, let's be heading home. We've got a Christmas ahead of us." 

&&&&&&&&&&&&

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house  
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Yeah right.

In Gryffindor tower, the few people left there were keeping as much noise as you could imagine. James and Sirius were building card castles with the exploding snap cards. The girls, Lily to be noted, were sitting down in a corner playing wizarding chess. Lily apparently was laughing as she tried to understand the confusing games.

The general air was loud and jolly, and students were talking at the top of their voices.

Sirius laughed as his card castle fell down and burned the ends of his hair. The building of card castles reminded him of Remus, who was brilliant at card castles, and once got as much as eight storeys, using about four decks in the process of building this remarkable castle.

"Well, James, wonder what Rem's doing now. Wonder why he didn't stay for Christmas?"

James frowned. "I don't know . . . he was very close mouthed about it. Kept avoiding the subject."

"I suppose it's not our business," said Sirius, pushing his hair back from his eyes, "but Remus is a dark horse about something."

'Like where he vanished to in the term. His reason doesn't seem quite water proof."

"Like I said, he's a dark horse. I wonder why he won't tell us."

They mused over this for a while, then James "Look, let's get to bed, tomorrow is Christmas."

'FOOD!" yelled the ever hungry Sirius. "Actually, feast!'

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Remus woke up on Christmas morning, very, very early. He crept downstairs to the huge Christmas tree, inhaling the sweet tangy smell. Sure enough, he had presents. His mother had given him a package of his favourite biscuits, not to mention a very interesting book that he had wanted. His father had given him a large book entitled: "_Mischief Makers of_ _Hogwarts_." He flicked through it, it was most interesting. He was not surprised to see the name of James' father, nor his own father's. This most interesting book gave the history of the mischief makers at Hogwarts, including things like the passages found, number of times caught, and their girlfriends. He laughed as he thought what it would look like if Sirius was in it.

A loud pecking sound at the window caused him to look up in time to see an owl from Hogwarts. It looked slightly peeved, and a little singed. It had two packages, and he laughed as he read.

Remus, the mischief makers send you a favourite pastime. Sirius sent you some what else crackers. And James still can't keep his eyes off Lily.

Inside the packages, he had a set of exploding snap cards, decorated with maps of Hogwarts. Sirius sent him a huge set of crackers. That would explain the owl's singe.

His friends had remembered him. It was just a simple gesture, a little Christmas present, but it made him feel choked up. For a while, he forgot about hiding, lying, and he just thought

_I have found my pack_.

Years later, it was to be his mate, but he didn't know this. He only thought about his friends.

He felt so accepted. Never before had he had friends, in fear that they would leave him in revulsion when they found out his secret. But now he didn't care if they left him. He would cling to that last ray of hope, that last light till it failed him. And he would always remember them, and these little Christmas presents.

He wondered what they were doing now.

Actually, they were wondering what he was doing now.

After opening a ton of presents, Sirius was sniffing the delicious food smells that were wafting into the common room. James too was feeling none too composed with the food.

Sirius sniffed hungrily, and then said "I wonder what Remus is doing now. Maybe, just maybe, he's smelling such nice stuff."

Then, as an extra strong whiff of turkey blew in, Sirius groaned. "I'm starving." Another, different smell came in that none of any they knew, but a bit like rum. One of the Caribbean girls looked up, hungry.

"Great Cake!!"

"What?" said everyone else.

She explained. "It's a Caribbean cake made for Christmas, called great cake. It has fruit in it . . . and rum. If the person likes to make it with rum, you can get a little tipsy. But this one smells perfect."

And she was right. On the table was a huge dark brown cake at dessert. At once, the Caribbean girl sliced into it, showing fruit. She tasted it, then she said "Just enough of everything. Including ginger."

Sirius tasted some, then said "Ginger! This thing is spicy!"

The girl, Shakira, said "It's not that spicy, really," around a mouthful of cake. "There are spicier."

Later, they got three slices and sent them to Remus, and another rather smaller three to Peter.

Remus got them, and again, a few days before his transformation, he wondered: "Do I tell them or not?" It was the secret that haunted him, cut him to his core, and there was always that faint nagging worry that he would be discovered. And James' remarks and questions had made him very uneasy. His secret burned him.

_Did he tell them?_

The answer was the same as always: no.

He wanted to, but he couldn't. Never.

Or he would be deserted for good.

He couldn't lose his pack. And especially not on a Christmas holiday.

_Never tell_.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Please review, plllllleeeease.


	8. New Friend

New Friend

Disclaimer. I can't think of an original one, so the usual, no characters are mine unless they are made up.

Remus was back on the way to Hogwarts, and strangely, although he was tired as he was, he was glad. Just after his miserable transformation he was going to school. And he wondered, what would this homecoming be like?

It was like he had never been away. But Sirius and James were wondering about something. And looking for something. He didn't know it, but they were.

It was great to put his clothes back into the dormitory, and then to see James and Sirius. And classes, and homework.

Damn homework.

Remus bailed Sirius, James and Peter so often he couldn't count. And this term was no different.

Remus sat down, his eyes laughing as he observed them moaning over the amount of homework. With a flourish, he continued to draw things onto the Marauders Map.

Suddenly, James threw down a quill, and began to complain.

"This is not fair! It's the first week of school, and already we have homework! Speaking of vacation though—how was yours Remus?"

Remus thought for a few seconds. A true account of his vacation would have taken too long. But he simplified it.

"Well nothing much. Visited a few cousins, read a few books, went to Diagon Alley, and nothing else."

James laughed. "Sounds nothing like our vacation. We however, spent the whole vacation playing pranks! We set our fireworks, and set them off, ate Christmas Dinner, great cake . . ."

He went on and on and on, as Remus noted lots of different rooms in the Gryffindor Tower.

Finally Sirius got a sly word in edgewise. "He didn't tell you though, how Lily slapped him because he attacked one of her friends, did he?"

"Shut up Sirius," muttered James, turning red.

"Oh James?" said Remus, twitching an eyebrow.

"Sirius is lying, you know that too," said James, looking like a beet, which didn't suit his eye colour.

Remus chuckled. "Don't forget James, that Lily is a very um, temperamental young lady, who slaps any guy that gets fresh with her."

James began to look worse.

"Or did he tell you how I caught him carving L.E. into a wall?"

"Sirius . . . "

"Or," squeaked Peter, "the time that he slipped a cookie on Lily's plate?"

"Shut up!" hissed James. Remus laughed.

This term would be even better.

&&&&&&&&&&&

Remus, sitting alone was getting very upset. His charms homework, though simple, was not very easy on his head now, one week to the full moon left. At constant battle with himself now, it was even worse to do battle with homework. James and Sirius weren't even there to distract him from his miserable headaches. They were in detention. Again. Peter, small and rather annoying though he was would have been half way decent.

Even more frustrated, he did something between a snarl and a growl. Trying to stop himself from tearing the paper, which seemed a great idea right now, he began to count to thirteen.

He was at nine, when he felt a touch on his shoulder.

He jumped, and very nearly snarled again.

"Calm down, sorry I scared you."

He looked up and saw Lily. "Hi." He said, cooling down.

Looking around her, she asked "Where is James?"

"Detention. Look can you understand Flitwick's homework? I'm just a teensy bit confused."

Lily looked at his messed up homework. "Are you ok?"

Confused, and just a little scared, he blinked. "Why shouldn't I be?"

"Well, it's just that you, well, never have problems with homework."

Remus smiled. "I'm just a little freaked."

Lily smiled back, and then said, "I'd be too, if James were my friend."

"He's not that bad, Lily, just thinks that you are fascinating."

She raised an eyebrow. "Right, so, I'll help you."

&&&&&&&&&&&

Remus, now that his miserable week was over, was tired, miserable, and again in need of a friend. Walking dejectedly along scuffing his feet and looking at them, he bumped right into somebody.

He helped her pick up her books, and she smiled.

"Thanks, Remus, so, feeling any better?"

"Um yeah. Thanks for the help with the homework. I did really well, thanks to you."

"No problem." She smiled lightly.

"Remus?" Sirius bounced along, hair swinging as he waved to some unknown girl.

"Well," said Lily, coolly, "I'll be gone."

Sirius stared at him. "Since when do you talk to Lily?"

"Since um a couple of days ago."

"When was this?" asked Sirius, amazed.

"When you two were in detention. And Peter had disappeared off the face of the earth. I was confused about Flitwick's homework, so she suddenly helped me." He shrugged. "I don't know why."

Sirius stared at Remus like he had never seen him before. "Two things: One, _you_, of all people, fuffing _homework_? And two, **Lily**, of all other people, helping you for no **reason**! You mean, s-she didn't **attack** you?"

He laughed. "Yes, I fuffed homework, and yes, Lily didn't attack me. She just happens to think that you are the lowest of the low, since the day you broke up with her friend. James she thinks is tarred with the same brush."

"Whoa," remarked Sirius.

They walked in silence. Screams suddenly erupted upstairs. Loud bangs, sputters and fizzes accompanied the screams.

Remus looked at Sirius. He was grinning, though, as he asked, "So. What did you do this time?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Nothing big. Just set off a crate of fireworks somewhere. I don't know."

"Well, I hope that you have done your homework."

"Sure. Let me check with James. See you."

&&&&&&&&&&

Sirius was confused. Why was Remus of all people, confused? James suddenly appeared.

"Hey, Sirius, what's up?"

Sirius stole his look left and right, and they entered a passage. "Listen—_Lumos_—something about Remus."

James nodded. "I know. He acts weird."

"No something else. He messed up his homework. Wait. He messes up his homework, Lily helps him. Yet why does she help him? Lately, he's been snappish. Every now and then, he becomes snappish and violent."

"I remember," said James, grimacing. "One day he almost twisted off my arm."

"Is there something about him that we don't know yet? It's strange—how he doesn't talk much about his family, or his vacation. How he keeps vanishing. I don't understand."

James suddenly snapped his fingers. "I know. It's something I've heard before—I don't know where. It's familiar, but I can't think where I know it—yet it's common. Something we know—but what is it? Something's missing."

Sirius nodded.

"Listen," he said. "Let's check it up in the library. I don't know what it is, but something tells me that he needs help with it."

They nodded, then planned it.

Seconds later though, they paused.

"What was that passage?!"


	9. Werewolf!

Werewolf!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters associate with him, such as his friends or in this case his parents. And guardians and stuff. And neither do I own Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them.

James sat in the library with Sirius, poring over a collection of huge, musty books. It was not his idea of spending a weekend, but he was infernally curious about Remus. He couldn't understand his behaviour. Or maybe he was exaggerating what was going on, after all, Remus had to have bad days like everyone else.

Sirius, beside him, was dividing his time between looking at gorgeous girls, and at musty books. Mostly, it was the girls.

"Say James," said Sirius, "I had no idea that the library had soo many cute girls in here."

James rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the help Sirius . . ."

Sirius focused his full attention on James there. "Seriously, James--do _not_ pun on my name-- we're looking in the library when we don't even know if there anything wrong with Remus!"

"So you call sudden, excessive strength, weird mood changes, inability to do homework, closemouthed about his parents when they are obviously nice people, and last of all, sudden disappearances with weird lies over three day periods after which he comes back looking like he's been through hell and back nothing?" he asked, quietly. Later in Sirius' life he would remember that voice and see it in Harry.

Sirius rolled his eyes, giving in. "Point made. Why don't we just ask someone?"

"Because, you great stupid prat, obviously Remus doesn't want this getting around," hissed James.

"Oh, okay, fine," he said, throwing up his arms in surrender. James very seldom behaved like this, and it was very strange for anyone around him when he did.

So they pored over books in a hidden corner in the library. They didn't want any of the library regulars to see them--particularly not Lily, who would probably mention it off handedly to Remus, and particularly not Remus himself. That would be rather tricky.

Sirius and James were getting extremely bored. But something came along and boredom begone.

Remus was in the library. Looking for a book. Maybe if he had turned around just far enough, he would have seen Sirius' foot sticking out from under a table, supposedly hidden behind a ducking James wearing an invisibility cloak. Remus himself was in a rather good mood; after all, it was half moon and he didn't need to worry about the transformation for a while.

He wondered what book to get, after all, he did have some sort of Potions homework that he did want to finish. He selected a large book called _Potions_. _Really original_, he thought. _Potions_. Anyway, he checked it out of the library, and walked down the corridor. Behind him, two people miraculously appeared out of thin air, both panting, because they were squished under the table.

On his way to the Gryffindor common room, he saw Lily, who immediately veered towards him.

"Hello Remus," said Lily, smiling. "Have you seen James and Sirius?"

If only he knew how close. "No." Smiling, he asked "Are you actively looking for them?"

She looked a little uncomfortable. "Well, no, not exactly. I'm trying to remain unseen."

He chuckled. "Well, they aren't in the library."

She laughed too. "If I ever saw Sirius crack a book, I'd be stunned."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Well, la belle Lily, prepared to be stunned, because both James and Sirius were back studying. They had seen Lily come in, and pretended that they were researching their potions homework; actually, James was, part of the time. Sirius just glanced at the potions book, and occasionally wrote down things which James suspected were interesting prank potions.

And then James struck gold. He happened to glance at something in two books: His own copy of Magical Beasts and Where to Find them, and something in one of the large, not so musty tomes. Both of the things hit the spark in his head.

"What?" asked Sirius. He could have sworn a light bulb went off over James' head.

"Look at this," said James, his quiet voice supressing some sort of emotion.

Sirius looked. "Werewolf?"

"And this." He shoved the large, yellowing brown book towards Sirius, who looked at it in surprise.

"A werewolf." He read the following entry.

"So you're saying . . ." he trailed off.

"It's highly likely," said James. "I may be wrong, of course."

"No," said Sirius slowly. "I don't think that you are. Every little piece fits in. And when I think back to it, every time we've had Astronomy, when we're looking at the full moon, Remus is absent. Every time he's absent--"

"--it was a full moon," finished James. "Every time he gets snappy, and jumpy, it was leading up to the full moon."

"And that's why he looked like he's been through Hell and back. I hear it's not exactly fun to become a werewolf."

"And then . . . do you remember that night? The night that we heard all the eerie howling, at all hours of the morning? Remus was absent. We couldn't find him. Anywhere."

"It explains his fumbling his homework. He was probably tired, worn out. And then about his parents. They must have supported him this whole time, but how can he explain all of that?"

They stared at each other. James then asked, "But why won't he tell anybody?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Listen, you great stupid prat.You are supposed to be smart today, not me. Think about it. Think how people treat werewolves, terribly." _Almost like how my parents treat muggle borns_. "If he has had this problem for long, he probably hid it from every one. Maybe he didn't have many friends. So now, he has friends like us . . ."

"He doesn't want to lose them." It all made sense.

"Now, the hard part is . . . how on earth do we tell him that we don't care?" asked Sirius.

"Oh, that's a nice conversation," remarked James, sarcastically. "Hey Remus, we know you're a werewolf, and we couldn't care less. We're still your friends."

"Actually . . ."

"No. Oh no. Sirius Black! Why on earth did I mention this . . ." he said, the last part mostly to himself.

"It would work. Just that we would have to set the timing."

"AAAAAAAArgh. This kind of thing becomes an incidental concern when your friend is a werewolf," muttered James.

He spoke the truth, and the last word.

&&&&&&&&&&

Sorry for not updating, but on this story I had a major case of writer's block. It won't be much longer than this at all. Nearly done, and then I'll post a new story. I think.

And I'm sorry that this chapter is so short. Maybe the next one will be better.


	10. Madcap Pack

Remus disappeared, remarkably tired, too tired to feel the pain that usually coursed through his body at the transformation. Only today he had nearly slapped Sirius. And he would have broken his friend's arm. That must not happen. He was tired of fighting the beast and he sensed that it was tired too, tired of being fought. He felt almost sorry for it. They both wanted to be free, to live their separate lives, and they couldn't be. It was almost multiple personality disorder.

He felt the change as if through anesthetic. It felt less painful than usual, less annoying, and he lay in the shack, lonely, miserable.

He tried to sleep, but he couldn't. He got up . . . he could barely move . . . but what did it matter anyway? He howled, but it was a low, lonely broken howl. It was like a tear and he waited, for the feeling of absolute out of control.

But it didn't come. Instead, he felt lonelier, until he almost went mad. He howled up at the moon. The sound floated up and out, over Hogwarts, over Hogsmeade.

He need a pack, a pack of something, someone. Where could he find them?

Nowhere.

Lonely forever. He felt—he felt . . . so human, yet so beast. He felt confused.

The upset werewolf curled up tightly, nibbling on his tail absent mindedly. He was very hungry, but he ignored that feeling. It was only evil. He bit at the furniture, suddenly angry. He shouldn't feel so afraid, so lonely. He was the Lone Wolf.

He smiled a wolfish smile. That sounded like something Muggle. Some sort of Muggle movie. He howled again, mostly for the sheer sound of it. He paced.

This was tedious. Outside, he could hear footsteps. Someone was coming here, coming to this little hut, a little shack. He panicked. Who?

He howled, his longest yet. He heard the intake of breath and the person left.

James waited, patient, and then he heard the howl. Pettigrew looked frightened. Sirius was instantly alert. He had very keen hearing, but you didn't need keen hearing to hear what he heard.

It was eerie.

"It's him."

He began to sleep. He was relieved. The grey ness of the dawn began to seep into his hut. So he knew it. The change was coming about. He always slept when he was going to change back. He waited.

He woke up again. It was Sunday. Hurray! He stretched his body. He felt his human body again, glad. He was human. Not a monster any longer. He found the clothes that he usually put out for himself, and yawned.

He was stiff, as usual. He felt cramped, tired. He stretched again, then set off down the passage way they'd given him. It was now daybreak, and Hogwarts was still sleeping as he got out of the secret passage way. Already the tiny tree they'd planted tried to hit him, but he dodged it, remarkably agile.

He was still part wolf.

Never forget that.

The grass was still dewy under his bare feet, and he felt bone tired. But he was human!

He entered the portrait hole. Now, all he had to do was go upstairs, and into his dormitory where Sirius, James and Peter would be sleeping and he would think of another excuse for this now, almost there. He turned the doorknob—

"Remus."

**_Damn_**.

"James. Sirius. Peter. Good morning."

He said it like it was perfectly normal for him to be entering a dorm at the crack of dawn, barefoot, and tired. Him, who never went anywhere. Well . . . except all over the school, but that was midnight.

"How come you're out so early, Rem?" asked Sirius.

He didn't answer. He was hungry.

"Catch," said Sirius, tossing a bag of biscuits. Good. Food. He bit down on it, aware that his incisors were still relatively long and pointed.

He sat on the bed. "So," he said, between bites. "Who are you waiting for?"

"You, Remus," said James, quietly.

Oh Merlin. 'How come?"

Sirius spoke now. "Look, Remus, we know you're a werewolf."

The blood drained from his face. It was not a pretty sight considering how pale he already was. He didn't say anything at all. Nothing.

His eyes flickered from pale brown to pale yellow and back again. He was confused. And wary, not nervous. Wary.

"So? What are you going to do about it?" he said, quietly, but the snarl hid right behind the words.

Sirius noticed the turn in his voice. "Remus. We're not going to do any—"

"Going to tell everyone else about it?" snarled Remus. "Going to get scared?"

"Remus!" said James.

The werewolf stared across at him, his eyes pale yellow, burning intensely. And for the first time in his life, James actually felt scared. This wasn't Remus. Not really. This was the wolf—and he realized that it was Remus as well.

He was scared.

He watched Remus stare at him, unsure of what to say, and scared. "Look, Remus, well, we know you're a werewolf—"

"That was already established," snarled Remus, dryly. He stared at his friend. James suddenly realized how pointed his teeth were. And then he noticed something. Remus was bleeding. The werewolf bit himself. He'd never been anywhere.

"The mystery of the Shrieking shack," he whispered to himself. He felt sorry for his friend.

"Remus. Look, we don't care."

"Stop lying."

Peter squeaked "What makes you think we're lying?"

"Your eyes. You're nothing but scared little liars." He moved towards the door. "I'm leaving you all alone." Stinking, scared liars. Yet something felt wrong. The wolf. Don't go, it told him.

Sirius jumped to his feet. And Remus disappeared straight through the door and was gone in a flash.

"Merlin's beard, where's he gone?"

"The library!"

Remus settled into the long distance loping run that he always used. The library. He arrived in the always open library. The librarian wasn't there. He ran inside, twisted between the shelves, dodging the views of the coffee fueled seventh years, and found the obscure shelf with the book.

It was still there, the full moon sneering up at him.

He grabbed the book, tilted it, and the shelves parted. The little lair was there, with his food. He was inside. His eyes glowed in the dark. He stayed there, warm, safe.

It was the first time that he had ever heard his other self really sort of speak.

He shouldn't have gone. No, he should have. Damn.

Sirius ran after Remus, followed closely by James. It turned out that Peter was a fast enough runner, too, skidding at turns.

"He should be here, Godric's wand, he's fast!" Remus heard this, loud and clear and laughed at Sirius' innovative curses.

They came to the library, and stopped short.

"It's practically empty!" said James.

Sirius shook his head. "The shelves. They're lots of those. Split up, and look between them."

"Ok. But how do we know we've" started Peter

"found him?" finished James.

"Sparks, gold and red," said Sirius.

Remus heard them. He crouched self defensively, ready to attack.

"I haven't seen him." They were in front of the same shelf. They'd met up there.

Sirius suddenly saw something. "That book, it's not in line."

"Astronomy?"

Peter had a sudden idea. "That book!" he said, "he's hiding between that book!"

The other two stared at him, while Remus laughed silently to himself. He had the right idea though.

Peter rolled his eyes at their stupidity, and yanked at the book.

There was Remus, in his silent laughter. He stepped out, no longer angry. "Nice to see you too," he said, his eyes twinkling. 'Honestly '_he's hiding between that book_!"

They stared at him, starting to laugh. 'Look Remus, we don't care if you're a werewolf. You're you. You can't do anything about it."

He stared at them, eyes intense. "You know, you could never understand it. The silent pain, the misery. The agony of it, the hatred, the eyes, the teeth." He ran a hand over the incisors, smiled at them. The effect was wolfish.

"The misery. Of course it has its perks, but its lonely. No one would have accepted me."

"Dumbledore did,' said James, quietly, much like Harry in his later years.

"Yes. And hey, ok skip the mush. Look, you guys are the best and the only friends I've ever had in my life."

He looked at them. "One last thing. Thanks."

"You've scared us all to death, chased us around the school, and all you can say is thanks!"

He laughed at them. His pack. His pack of madcap friends. "Yeah. That's all I can say. Now what's for breakfast!"

"Wait you're hungrier than Sirius!"

"Is that a possibility!" asked Sirius.

"Yeah."

"Breakfast time!" They zipped down the stairs, heedless off all yelling people. Lily laughed at them, but they didn't hear her.

His pack.

His madcap pack.

One last chappie to go. That's coming soon.


	11. Memories

Memories

Disclaimer: I don't own characters.

Remus stood up and looked around Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, and stretched the long lean stretch of a wolf. The moon was at half way, and for once in his life he was nearly desperate for the transformation to come, just so he could get away from the nightmare that he was living in.

Sirius' death haunted him constantly, much like James' and Lily's. His best friends in the world. His parents were gone too. Because of Voldemort.

When he thought of what Peter Pettigrew had done to his friends, and to Harry, his young charge, he wanted to kill him with his bare hands—not a very difficult feat. But at times, he just felt so horribly alone, alone in this world that just had nothing for him.

The knob turned on the door, disrupting his thoughts, and he heard someone come inside the house. Then a muttered curse as the person fell over what she described as "That confounded umbrella stand."

He smiled; for the first time in days something, even that small had caused him to smile a simple smile. He remembered the time when smiling was easy, in the days which he described to himself as the "Madcap Pack" days. In a few minutes, Tonks came into the room, paler than she usually was. Her bright pink hair seemed depleted of colour. Tonks felt, if not as bad as he did, worse.

"Wotcher, Remus," she said, looking tired. She dumped the bag she was carrying into the chair near him.

"Good evening Tonks. What on earth's in that bag?"

She smiled tiredly, looking ridiculously old for a woman so young. "Books, books, more books. I need something to take my mind—"

"Off Sirius," he finished for her, and she nodded.

She practically sank into the chair and looked at him. There were times when Remus was the only shoulder she had to lean on despite the fact that he never did it consciously. "I've got suspense, romance, thriller . . ."

"A little of everything," he said with a tired half smile. "That's nice. If you want extra energy you really ought to change to your regular appearance, Tonks."

She looked confused.

"I theorize that maybe your appearance actually does take some sort of effort."

"You've thought about this?" she asked, surprised. She scrunched up her face and then changed back to normal.

"Yeah. Sort of. You look like your cousin," he said, surprised. He couldn't remember seeing her look normal before. In a way, the familiar appearance helped calm him.

"I know," she said, pleased. "He used to tease me about it."

"How?" he asked her, interested for the first time in days.

"We used to pretend we were brother and sister. He didn't like Regulus, and I had no brothers and sisters. I didn't like my other cousins, Narcissa and Bellatrix. I still don't," she added bitterly. "We used to talk together and when he went to Hogwarts he always sent me letters about school, about his friends, about the pranks you got up too."

"And about his girlfriends," added Remus, remembering the day that Sirius had been writing letters to Tonks.

"Of course. What would have been complete without the girls?" Tonks said, laughing a little. "And mostly about his friends. I knew you before I ever met you, Remus. About what you liked, about what you ate, and didn't eat, about what a control freak you could be. About you being a werewolf. About the changes they made for you that saved his life."

"I always felt guilty about that. If he hadn't been an Animagus, Peter wouldn't have escaped," he felt the same anger and rage choke him up, and the same pain that he had been burying since Sirius died.

Tonks looked at him. Her eyes were blue. Like Sirius'. She merely said to him "If he hadn't been an Animagus, he would have died in Azkaban prison."

"If they hadn't been Animaguses Peter would never have gotten away that day. It was my fault, Nymphadora. It was my fault that he died." His eyes were inflamed, glowing yellow as he stared at her. Then he looked away. The same burning feeling was gnawing at his gut, the same feeling of guilt that burning at him.

"Remus. Listen. It wasn't your fault that Peter was such a stinker. And Sirius would have gone after him anyway. Peter would just have found some other way to escape. Some other way to try to frame Sirius. You know that."

The ache that haunted him so long was lifted. And now the disbelief that his best friend was gone was there.

"Besides. You guys were his best friends. He couldn't have gotten through without you guys." Her voice shook. Looking across at her, he pulled her over and she cried into the front of his robes.

"Nymphadora."

She wiped her eyes, sniffling. "I keep telling you not to call me that," she said, with a watery smile. "I guess I don't mind." She suddenly started crying again.

Crying females made him nervous. But when he put his arms around her he wanted nothing more than to comfort her. A sudden instinct pulled her closer to him. "Nymphadora, stop crying. It's okay. Well it's not, but it will be. Besides, today we have to go and pick up Harry."

She sat up and smiled at him. "Thanks Remus."

"Why are you thanking me? I should be thanking you."

She looked somewhat pleased, then with an effort turned her hair back to pink.

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Later that night he thought about it. He knew very well that he loved Nymphadora Tonks, everything about her. He just wouldn't tell her.

He remembered the days when he had new friends. _When they first became Animaguses. When Lily and James first went out. When he first felt accepted, and the day Sirius broke up with the first girlfriend, Tracy or Stacy or something like that. He remembered when James and Lily died. When he felt so hurt that his best friend would do something like that. The first day at Hogwarts. When he first met Tonks. _

All the memories jumbled in his head.

_He remembered Sirius saying "To hell with ages, Moony, you like her." _

"_I'm bloody old for her." _

"_I don't care. She won't either."_

He had lost his friends. Now he had found his mate.

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Finis.

You can make up your own ending. Unless of course you want me to continue.


End file.
